conspired-vanity

Love i can never forget
neither top be cherished
i tried to understand
yet it comes back and confuses my helpless, blank mind
tears came down form my undeniably frail face
bleeding heart i can never hide
scars to bear so i cannot escape
the past i'm trying to run from
for it kills me slowly deep inside my numb soul
taking every twist and turns
of this damned, screwed up life
even though i can take no more
indeed i am a numb and dead girL inside!

Posted in emotions

i've waited for you
in the place we promised
and yet you made such a fool of me
if only i can, i will sue you

but i can't
because this beating i can't control
i still love you
that's the simple truth
and forever i will endure
the pain you're giving me
i will hold on
just for the sake of having you back

show me no conspiracy against me
and i'll be forever loyal!
and till we're  unconfused soul anymore
shall we become one

and if ever we part ways!
remember i loved you
and will always be a part of my life

farewell!

Posted in emotions

Love...
comes and quickly go away
so far away you can't even reach it
hurting so deep inside
feels like the pain will blast you off
and will turn you into a soulless body
unable to feel anything

and that's all i ever wanted
i wished for it to come inside me
incapable to recognize emotions
numb
but why am i no different from before??
same old me... i'm not relieved!
i came  to realize
i still do feel a bit of an emotion
an emotion you can hardly notice building up
until it's in front of your face!
depression...

letting myself slip away into unconsciousness
darkness filling me in
black, that's all i can get site of
all i hear is the rain
all i can feel are the droplets of water from the rain
pouring over my helpless body
seems like it was washing all my pains away
and i cannot hide it nor pretend
it was warm and welcoming
is this paradise?
yes i though it was

until a cold, dying, hopeless aura came over me
it feels like my body's going to break
to shatter into unpickable pieces
and to be broken forever
a feeling i can never forget or deny
ripping my heart apart
an unbreakable sorrow i can never escape
tears flooded my eyes
streamed down my face
it burns!!
memories i tend to forget cam flashing by!

finally, light i could see
getting brighter and brighter
overjoyed i was!
i thought it was all over
now i can relax and feel safe
i was inevitably mistaken yet again!

i woke up
feeling the same old me
miserable and distracted
preoccupied people would say with no reason at all
not even to look my way
things came rushing towards me, i can't even acknowledge
reality really is undeniably heart breaking!

i wnat to breakfree from all of these entity!
but i don't know how,
how stupid of me, indeed
wondering how long i can still hold on and

i want my Creator, my Dearest Creator
to come down and welcome me with open, wide arms
and if ever accompany me
to my everlasting, perfect place
amd forever be in peace,
may it be in my mind nd soul nd heart
with the love of my life and
with my dearest Father

Posted in emotions